Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
