just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
