He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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