Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They have beer where we have blood.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
