there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
FUCK WHALES
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
