if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Text me some of your sweat
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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