Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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