she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
