I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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