Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
