So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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