dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
