So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
is wine microwaveable?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
