i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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