Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
