She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
