last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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