K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
