so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she told me i tasted like america
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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