Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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