I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
