I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
