So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
