is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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