i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
