You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
