I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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