So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
