I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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