yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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