I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
