How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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