You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
