So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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