a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
