Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
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