Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
