You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize