C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
