After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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