I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
