K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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