saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
