I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
