did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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