Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
