There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
