yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize