The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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