dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
