Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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