bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
