I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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