What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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