he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
