Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
