my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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