im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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