Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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