the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We have started to decorate penises.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
