They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
