So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
