So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
