Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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