But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
