Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize