Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just had sex bonerless
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
