it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
