At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
