Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
