I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize