youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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