I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
