Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
