i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
