Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
