so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
