$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
