i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
