I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
