there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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