I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you win again, gameday.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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