Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
