Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
