And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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