He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
