and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
