Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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