I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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